Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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