obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
