He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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