She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
