Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
