We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my sisters under your porch take her home
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
