I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
