you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
