OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize