Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
