Don't you send me to vm
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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