i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
