I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
