He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
