I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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