woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
