So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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