oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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