so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
