I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
