Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
And then he peed in my hair
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