At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
