This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
