Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
