I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
