1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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