I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
