I cockslap morals
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
