I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
