Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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