STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
