he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
