Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
