Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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