I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
