im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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