What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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