how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Houston, we have a squirter
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
