So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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