just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
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