I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
