new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
