i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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