Plan B is the new Plan A
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
