she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
