Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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