Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
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He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I'm really busy with my period
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