I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
