my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
