I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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