____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
