YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
