Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
