Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
