Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
whose parrot is this?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
