There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
is that a dick in a sweater?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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