if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
