There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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