Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
