i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You made out with two different species that night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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