sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
one might say we're banned from that church
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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