Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
