i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
