My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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