Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
