I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
