It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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