Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
